Night Out

When I finally came to, lying on my stomach on a paper-thin mattress, I groggily reached for whatever object underneath me had been stabbing me all night long. I rolled over onto my back and looked at the colorful, round object in my hand: a gashapon capsule with a tiny smiling mascot inside. I remembered a sea of the little plastic orbs rolling in unison across the floor and a blinking gashapon machine lying on its side to my right. I sat up and felt some sort of jostling in the pocket of my sweatshirt, which was considerably less surprising than the fact I had found myself in a single concrete cell. I carried lots of junk with me on a day that I wasn't mysteriously awakened in a jail cell, so I delved back into the pocket and pulled out a rolled-up, slightly sticky napkin with a phone number on it. A cute person sitting at the bar next to me in the restaurant - the same one soon to be overtaken by plastic balls - had given me the number after I made a really, really bad joke. Someone had started yelling then. I produced from my pocket a neatly folded receipt, one from the restaurant. I'd ordered two drinks and a plate of fried pickles, I realized as I unfolded the little rectangle of paper. Someone had been yelling when I got the receipt, the same someone who had been yelling at the tail end of the last memory, and I stood and listened to them silently as I folded up the receipt into smaller and smaller little rectangles. Then I'd started to walk away and they kept yelling about how I had no right to talk to them, how I'd made a big mistake. A tube of lemon mint chapstick was next on the list. I'd applied it all night thanks to my notoriously chapped lips, but I'd specifically applied it as I was leaving to seem purposefully unbothered by all the screaming and name-calling. The yeller sounded a little garbled, maybe a little drunk. A single quarter was the last thing I pulled out. I'd used another 75 cents on a gashapon machine by the entrance, the one with the odd little mascots. I'd hoped for the one that looked vaguely like a cat but ended up with one shaped like a banana, now lying on the cot beside me and smiling blankly toward the ceiling. I'd tried to use my last quarter on a cheaper machine full of plastic cats, but before I could place the coin in the slot a dark object went whizzing past my face and shattered on the floor. A small planter had been sitting on an empty table, and the angry patron hurled it right toward my head. Stunned, I turned toward him and tried to back up slowly. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see an obviously panicked manager began to scurry over from across the restaurant but it was too late. The patron lunged. I panicked and grabbed the nearest gashapon machine, toppling it in front of me to block his path. Capsules bounced and rolled across the floor, apparently momentarily stunning my drunken adversary with their vivid colors. I too was apparently mesmerized by them because I realized after a moment of silence there was now a hand on my wrist. The patron tried to step over the machine but it was too wide and had to rethink his approach, giving me time to pull my arm back. His grip immediately loosened, sending me back into a stack of machines - the top one was out of order, and had apparently been moved up there to make room for the functional ones dispensing plastic cats. Metal creaked above me. I looked up in horror as the damaged appliance teetered forward, just enough to send it tumbling down. Having finally reconstructed the night, I rubbed the top of my head and noticed a row of stitches along a sore gash in my scalp. That wasn't good. I tried to calculate the cost of replacing imported Japanese machinery and the time it must have taken to search the entire building for the stray tiny mascots.I grabbed the capsule beside me and squeezed to pop it open, freeing the banana man from his plastic prison. He smiled at me.

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